


mind and heart

by leiasfate



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anger, Angst, Bitter ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heartache, Heartbreak, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-10 23:13:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15959597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiasfate/pseuds/leiasfate
Summary: Influenced by a psychic attack, Kara lets her rage out, and Mon-El gets caught in the crossfire. Hidden feelings come to the surface, and she has to deal with the consequences.A short AU of 3x15, where Kara’s speech is different.





	mind and heart

Kara felt really bad.

 

She had hit Mon-El while they were sparring, very hard. She hadn’t meant to. It was because of M’yrnn’s psychic influence, but deep down, she knew she was angry. And she knew it wasn’t just because she couldn’t get her cape tricks right.

 

But she didn’t want to think about that. Instead she kept training, trying to get it right.

 

“Footwork looks excellent.” Oh Rao, it was him. How was she supposed to look him in the eye? “So you, uh, you punched me. It didn’t feel like part of the sparring, can we talk about it?”

 

She sighed. “No, I’m— I’m really sorry. I think it was M’yrnn’s psychic episode. Why weren’t you affected?”

 

She had to change the subject, quickly. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She didn’t want him to know the reason of her anger.

 

He looked at his hand. “The Legion ring acts as a shield.”

 

“Huh.”

 

“Another perk from the future.”

 

A pang of rage hit her chest, and she fought the urge to roll her eyes.

 

“Are you sure that’s all it was?” He frowned.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Nothing between us? I thought— I thought we were in a good place, but if we need to stop, we’ll just—“

 

God, he was infuriating. “No, it’s fine. This is a good thing. There are Worldkillers out there, let’s do this. I’m ready.”

 

Except that she kept failing at making her cape useful. She was more frustrated with each passing second.

 

“Hey, we survived the black hole, we can get through this together. Come on, try it again.”

 

The words that were meant to be encouraging only made her feel worse. How could he keep talking about a past that he obviously didn’t even care about anymore?

 

She turned her back on him, doing the movement again. And failing.

 

“You just missed the pivot. Keep your left foot planted—“

 

That was it. She’d had enough. “Will you shut up?!”

 

“Kara—“

 

“You’re right. We have been through a lot together.” She clenched her fists, blood boiling. “Like that time you told me I didn’t have to worry about you because you would always be there. But you were not. You were reckless and got yourself into the most dangerous situations, when you knew that I couldn’t lose you. Then you told me to press that damn button, which, shocker, I was not going to push! Because I didn’t want to lose you, but I had to!”

 

“Kara, I—“

 

“You told me that day that I would be in your heart, but apparently, that wasn’t exactly true! I thought you were dead, while you were in the future being happy, and married. You came back and acted so indifferent, that I thought it wasn’t you, but sadly, it really was you. And the worst part, Mon-El of Daxam, is that you knew I was lost and sad, and despite knowing that, without any explanation or warning, you kissed your wife right in front of me! When you knew it would break my stupid heart!”

 

“I know—“

 

She couldn’t stop. The rage she felt wasn’t going away. It was getting stronger. “And then— then you keep throwing that ‘I’m not the same man’ speech at my face. Do you know how much that hurts me?! For Rao’s sake, I loved that man, the one who arrived on that pod. He was the love of my life! He was my light, my happiness! But you keep disrespecting that person you were, and also keep babbling about the perks of the future, as if you don’t ever want to remember your time on the 21st century. You remind me of the fact that I can’t get the man I love back, ever! Do you think that’s fair to me?!”

 

“Kara, I hear you. I get it.” He swallowed thickly.

 

“No, I don’t think you do get it.” Kara pressed her fingers to her temple, as she felt a wave of pain. “I don’t think you get that my heart still belongs to someone who forgot about me! Who doesn’t even want to be in here! But now, what? He wants to reminisce about the good times? After saying he wasn’t that man anymore? You destroyed me, Mon-El!”

 

She let out all the breath she’d been holding, fighting back the hot tears on her eyes. She’d finally let her feelings out.

 

The door opened before Mon-El could talk again.

 

“Kara, put this on.”

 

She stomped out of the room and took the device Alex gave her.

 

She felt like a fog had been lifted when she put it on. She saw the image of Mon-El’s desperate, teary face.

 

“What did I just do?”

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

His sad grey eyes were in her mind through the whole day.

 

She felt so, so guilty. She had been rude and ruthless, and said what she had wanted to keep inside. She hadn’t wanted him to know about her feelings. He probably felt pity for her, and she hated it. Their friendship had been progressing, but of course, it had to be ruined.

 

What she told him was true. All of it. She was so angry that he kept disrespecting himself, and that he always made sure that everyone knew how great the future was. She didn’t know when the pain would stop, when her love would finally go away.

 

Later, when Kara finally managed to do the cape trick, she grinned at him, hopeful and proud. She wanted them to be okay. Mon-El smiled back, but there was weariness on his face. It made her heart clench.

 

She went home for the day, and didn’t get an ounce of sleep. She tossed and turned on her bed all night, thinking about what she said. She couldn’t get his face out of her mind. In the early morning, she went back to the DEO and kept practicing, in hopes to get distracted. But she had to talk to him.

 

“And the student becomes the master.” He leaned on the wall, watching her.

 

Her heart fluttered. “Can we talk about yesterday?”

 

“You were whammed by the psychic attack.”

 

“Yeah, that’s true. But the things I said...” she took a deep breath, “the things I said were uncalled for, and I shouldn’t have said them. I thought I had dealt with my feelings about us, but clearly, that wasn’t true. I’m sorry I threw all of that at you. I’m sorry I was so brutal.”

 

“You know what, the truth can be brutal.” He looked at her with pure honesty on his eyes. “I know I haven’t really grasped your perspective. I’m sorry I haven’t given you space. You’re right, it’s not fair to you.”

 

“But I shouldn’t have been so rude. And I shouldn’t have hit you. I’m sorry.”

 

“Kara, do you—“ He stopped himself.

 

“What? You can ask me anything. I owe you that.”

 

“Do you really think I forgot about you?” His voice was laced with pain.

 

“I don’t know.” He opened his mouth to respond, but she didn’t let him. She didn’t want to hear him say something that would break her. “I also blamed you for things that were out of your control. I’m sorry for that. I’m just... sorry. For everything.”

 

“Hey. Can we make an agreement?”

 

“Yes?”

 

He extended his hand to her. “No more apologies.”

 

Her heart was shattering, but she still gave him her best smile, and shook his hand. They were on good terms again. They were friends.

 

Even though she wanted so much more.

 

“Do you wanna go be heroes?”

 

Mon-El nodded, and gave her a precious smile. Absolutely beautiful.

 

Kara got up before he could see the love on her eyes, before he could realize that she was still hurting.

 

She knew she had to stop loving him. She had to get over him.

 

Because she would never get the man she loved back in her arms.


End file.
